Lyrically Speaking--The Musical

Ever get bored with the same old musicals? I felt like shaking things up a bit.
Here are my Musicals, complete with their first reviews~


My Fair Phantom Lady “What can you say to a female phantom with a fire-scarred face and horrible intonation? Kidnap a voice coach and get thee to a the bowels of an opera house! Lindsay Lohan was born to this role, rising above her ghostly looks and minimal singing talent thanks to the guidance of her love-struck captive teacher, brilliantly played by Simon Cowell. Their duet, “Mismatched Mistakes” is a showstopper.”


Singin’ Fiddler in the Oklahoma Rain “Nonstop fun. Follow the wacky Jewish cowboy Buck Lowenstein and his family as they travel the drought ravaged Midwest, conning farmers out of cash by promising to fiddle up a rainstorm. You’ll come out humming along with “Oy, There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute” and grateful that Gabe Kaplan came out of retirement!”

Jesus Christ Cats Hair “A delightful farce. Britain’s Russell Brand as an allergy-riddled cockney savior, lots of eye-rolling sarcasm from High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens as Mary Magdalene. Sure-fire hit singles to listen for: “Superstar My Arse” and “Sneezin’ Wheezin’ Messiah”. Great cameo by Tom Cruise as Pontius Pilate.

Paint Your Rent Wagon, Miss Saigon “Heart wrenching. An aging beauty queen forced into prostitution when her sushi chain-store fare poisons hundreds of people. She works out of a rusty ‘72 Chevy station wagon, driven around by her sister who becomes infamous as a singing madam. “I Sleep with the Fishes” will make you weep.”

Odd blog

Is it because growing up I heard the word ‘odd’ first used to mean something unusual (before I heard of ‘odd’ numbers) that I dislike them?

And ‘even’ meant something good, like being ‘even tempered.’

I took a few minutes to think about it and realized I’ve never liked odd numbers. Always leaned in favor of the even. As far back as I can remember, I always liked my age best when it was an even number. I picked even numbered dates for special events.

So why does that definition of odd spill over into numbers? Oddball…odd duck, expressions that mean something less than normal. Even keel…even balance, conjure a soothing image.
If you know me, you know math is not my thing. Imagination is my thing…and evidently I have imagined numbers having personalities.

Gifts from the Universe

Things I’ve found in my front yard.

Tennis outfit--shorts, shirt & sweater.
Growing peanut plants--thanks to the squirrels burying them in my yard.
Cupcake--perfectly frosted, homemade.
Hot pad--extra large, colorful stripes.
“Mexican War” crossword puzzle--apparently someone’s homework.
* UPDATE!! *
Today I found an Oldsmobile hubcap.

Another notice from the wonderful folks at BLUFFINGTON

See previous Bluffington product label HERE


Thank you for purchasing a Bluffington stapler!


Please make sure to follow these suggested safety guidelines:


1) Use only #7 size staples in your stapler. If #7 staples cannot be found, you may substitute #6.5, but you will have to force them into the case, 3 at a time.


2) Do NOT get the stapler wet. If you are lame and prone to spilling coffee at your work area, keep the stapler elevated at all times.


3) When stapling more than 2 sheets of paper, it may be necessary to exert more force. Try standing up and using both hands. Or your fist.


4) Occasionally, staples will not bend correctly. This is always due to user malfunction. If this leads to swearing, be considerate of your coworkers.


5) If you have purchased one of Bluffington’s novelty staplers (Homer Simpson, Jessica Simpson, O.J. Simpson) be aware that the inherently stupid nature of the characters can cause lingering effects on the user. Bluffington is not responsible for any injuries to fingers, hands, eyes, ears, nose or Adam’s apples.

Sub-subconscience

Short and Sweet.

So today I said I was quadriplegic--when I meant to say claustrophobic.

And I believe it to be a very Freudian slip, because I was trying to explain why I prefer using the handicap stall in the bathroom.

Short and sweet

Pink Floyd (Zen) and the art of (drunk) bicycle riding--

Music is the key to everything, oui?

Start with some sassy Prince's "Kiss" to get the pedals going and the heart pumping.

Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with...

Set the groove with Deep Purple's "Magic Carpet Ride"

Why don't ya come with me little girl...

Then find Elysium and cruise with Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb"

I can't explain, you would not understand; this is not how I am...

Lyrically Speaking 3: Musical Autobiography

This has been the most fun so far! I only took one tiny liberty in the lyrics I used, you will see it in red.



Please allow me to introduce myself
I am woman, hear me roar
I been bummin’ around this old town so long
I have friends in low places.

My mama said
Not so long ago
She’s a good girl, living in Reseda.

I remember, I remember
Young and sweet, only seventeen
Life in the fast lane
Lookin’ for some hot stuff baby
Wanna bring a wild man back home.

I know one thing
I don’t like Reggae—I love it.
Wanna dance my life away
Come back baby, rock and roll never forgets.

All the boys say
She’s a black magic woman
But when you’re good to mama, mama’s good to you.

Girls say
Hey sister, go sister, soul sister
Mama’s got a squeeze box, daddy never sleeps at night.

I can see clearly now
I hear you call my name and it feels like home
Oh Ricky you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind
Sugar-pie honey-bunch, you know that I love you
I’ll stand by you.

I’ve had the time of my life…