Lyrically Speaking--The Musical

Ever get bored with the same old musicals? I felt like shaking things up a bit.
Here are my Musicals, complete with their first reviews~


My Fair Phantom Lady “What can you say to a female phantom with a fire-scarred face and horrible intonation? Kidnap a voice coach and get thee to a the bowels of an opera house! Lindsay Lohan was born to this role, rising above her ghostly looks and minimal singing talent thanks to the guidance of her love-struck captive teacher, brilliantly played by Simon Cowell. Their duet, “Mismatched Mistakes” is a showstopper.”


Singin’ Fiddler in the Oklahoma Rain “Nonstop fun. Follow the wacky Jewish cowboy Buck Lowenstein and his family as they travel the drought ravaged Midwest, conning farmers out of cash by promising to fiddle up a rainstorm. You’ll come out humming along with “Oy, There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute” and grateful that Gabe Kaplan came out of retirement!”

Jesus Christ Cats Hair “A delightful farce. Britain’s Russell Brand as an allergy-riddled cockney savior, lots of eye-rolling sarcasm from High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens as Mary Magdalene. Sure-fire hit singles to listen for: “Superstar My Arse” and “Sneezin’ Wheezin’ Messiah”. Great cameo by Tom Cruise as Pontius Pilate.

Paint Your Rent Wagon, Miss Saigon “Heart wrenching. An aging beauty queen forced into prostitution when her sushi chain-store fare poisons hundreds of people. She works out of a rusty ‘72 Chevy station wagon, driven around by her sister who becomes infamous as a singing madam. “I Sleep with the Fishes” will make you weep.”