Another notice from the wonderful folks at BLUFFINGTON

See previous Bluffington product label HERE


Thank you for purchasing a Bluffington stapler!


Please make sure to follow these suggested safety guidelines:


1) Use only #7 size staples in your stapler. If #7 staples cannot be found, you may substitute #6.5, but you will have to force them into the case, 3 at a time.


2) Do NOT get the stapler wet. If you are lame and prone to spilling coffee at your work area, keep the stapler elevated at all times.


3) When stapling more than 2 sheets of paper, it may be necessary to exert more force. Try standing up and using both hands. Or your fist.


4) Occasionally, staples will not bend correctly. This is always due to user malfunction. If this leads to swearing, be considerate of your coworkers.


5) If you have purchased one of Bluffington’s novelty staplers (Homer Simpson, Jessica Simpson, O.J. Simpson) be aware that the inherently stupid nature of the characters can cause lingering effects on the user. Bluffington is not responsible for any injuries to fingers, hands, eyes, ears, nose or Adam’s apples.

Sarcasm for fun and profit

A couple years ago we received a gift which had a fake warning label on the back, and it was hysterical. I immediately decided this was my calling. So I went home and wrote my own fake warning label to pitch to....someone....to get a job doing what I do best--mocking anything serious.

I'm not sure if I ever followed up on that idea, but I just found my silly label and decided it had languished in the darkness of my hard drive too long--time to bring it out into the light of blog.


USING YOUR NEW BLUFFINGTON MOUSEPAD:
This mousepad is made of noninflammable products. Do not attempt to inflame it. As with all mousepads, the New Bluffington mousepad should never be used to pad a mouse. Doing so could result in extremely irritated mice. Use only mild soap and water to remove any debris. Food, beer, and cigarette butts are considered excessive debris and may not respond to soap and water alone. In case of tornado, take shelter in your basement. In such situations, no mousepad can be expected to perform properly, if at all. Not for human consumption. Non-human consumption is in the eye of the beholder. New Bluffington mousepads are considered legal tender in Utopia, Atlantis, and portions of Xanadu. All other claims are fictitious.